true confessions of an opinionated and distracted [yet oh so charming] young adult.

23 Jan

 

i used to think that i would be a bad writer because i’m kind of a crazy thinker. sometimes i would sit in class and after a good while, i would sort of “wake up” and realize that i had literally no idea what had happened for the last 20 minutes. my thought pattern is but a winding road and even i have trouble keeping up sometimes.

like, right now. i’m determined to write something focused, something brilliant, something that will change the world. but unfortunately for the world that needs saving, i find myself distracted. you see, i decided to plant myself in a local starbucks. and in this starbucks, i have found myself directly facing a woman who is drinking her hot starbucks drink through a straw. so now, all i can think about is how i really am bothered by people who drink hot drinks through straws. not only does it seem like it would only further deceive your tongue regarding the temperature of the coming beverage, but it also looks ridiculous. the opening on the top of hot beverages is a very obvious square. it is not a circle. it’s a rectangle with rounded edges, at best. but definitely not a circle in which to insert a circular straw. perhaps my upbringing kept me sheltered innocent enough that i was just never exposed to this phenomenon. (nor was i exposed to the harsh realities of credit card debt, but that’s a whole other oprah.) i’m realizing more and more that this is a much bigger epidemic than i initially realized. people everywhere are drinking scalding hot drinks through a plastic straw. isn’t this ridiculous? why do people do this? am i the only human alive who is always fearful of that steaming drink burning my highly valued taste buds off? plus, doesn’t the plastic melt?  and isn’t the straw going to be confused? i mean, one minute it’s cuddled between blocks of ice, swishing back and forth in a sea of cold beverage that sits tightly below 33 degrees. before it knows what’s going on, it is ferociously submerged into the lava-like conditions of a grande caramel machiatto and now it has to adjust to harsh new environments without any warning, let alone any proper training.

perhaps my empathy underwhelms you. but i’m easily distracted and instead of fighting it, i am determined to embrace it because it helps me notice things like people who need directions, or  the shocking amount of people in dallas who have no idea that yellow and teal and baby pink will never ever go together as a happy threesome in your outfit, ever. pick two. or maybe one. you look like a freaking starburst.

when i googled “hot drinks with straws” i was pleased to find that i share this pet peeve with many a starbucks employee. vindication is mine! here are some quotes from real-live baristas who also cannot understand this trend:

” i am beyond annoyed that customers (trophy wives) ask for straws with their hot drinks. they claim that it doesn’t get caffiene on their teeth. how stupid are they? tt still gets caffiene on their teeth! i’ve started saying, ‘we’re not supposed to give you a straw with a hot beverage, it’s not recommended.’ then i give them one and give them a dirty look.”

“i hope the idiots who get an extra hot drink and then use a plastic straw learn their lesson after their trip to the emergency room to get their stomach pumped because they are swallowing plastic. i assure you it’s going to happen eventually to some of them, just give it time.”

“…as for straws, this real-housewife-of-atlanta-wannabe was talking to me about how she puts straws in her hot drinks because she said it makes her teeth less yellow…i just nodded and smiled. yeah it also leaks chemicals into the drink that cause cancer…”

the lady with the straw in her coffee just pulled out an epi-pen. i am so confused.

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